Juniata College Students Lost in Dormitory for 4 Months Describe Ordeal

The view of East Houses (from Baker probably)

A group of Juniata College students, who have been lost in the halls of East Houses for 4 months, have now been found and are safely outside the dormitory building, according to local reports.

Allegedly, the students got “East-wasted” one weekend and have been wandering the halls of the dormitory ever since, turning up at a remote bike rack yesterday.

The students, Mike Stevenson, Natalie Stern and Christine Williams, are now safe and recovering at the college’s Health and Wellness Center.

A Health & Wellness employee, who chose to remain anonymous, said, “They are in much better shape now. In fact, better shape than one would expect after such a horrifying experience. Imagine! They were deprived of the opportunity to eat food at Baker this whole time.”

Mike Stevenson, a Theatre and Chemistry POE, was the first to speak out about the students’ ordeal.

“It was our first time going to East, we didn’t know anyone at the party, but soon by the end of the night we started to lose ourselves. We woke up the next afternoon in a big pile of beer cans,” said Stevenson, recalling the traumatic events of the past few months.

“By the second week we developed a political system and a government. You know, so things wouldn’t get chaotic.”

Gaining the strength to speak, Natalie Stern, a Communication and History PEO, said “It was really hard at first. We had to eat food from the vending machines, Twix bars, M&M’s, Dr. Pepper,”

“But later on we learned to steal food other students left behind when they went for a bathroom break.”

Stern was clearly shaken up by the experience. “I don’t know what we turned into!”

But Christine Williams, a Theatre and Theatre PEO, was the most affected by the trauma.

“Every weekend we would try to get out, but there was always a dozen people blocking the stairwells and doors. We tried to explain to people that we needed to get out but everyone was too busy grinding on the person in front of them to notice us,”

“I haven’t talked to my family in so long.”

The students were shocked to find out that all other students had already cleared out of their rooms by then. Two of them had missed their graduation.

“Well, at least I never had to go through Organic Chemistry,” Stevenson joked. “Who knows maybe I’ll live in East next semester.”

“Yeah! And at least it we didn’t get lost in Sherwood,” added Stern, who looked increasingly erratic.

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