Washington: President Obama today announced the United States’ complete and unequivocal withdrawal of military units stationed in Afghanistan.
“The United States will no longer rush into foreign wars,” announced the leader of free world.
“Over the next two years, we will be gradually pulling our troops out of Afghanistan and dump them somewhere else in one of our over 1,100 military bases, including ones in Alaska.”
At the press conference, President Obama also revealed that this is part of a calculated redefinition of United States foreign policy.
“But I assure you, [the military-industrial complex], this does not mean we will stop using drones or spending billions of American taxpayer dollars on surveillance and intelligence equipment,” said the president.